


Heart's A Mess (I'm Desperate To Connect)

by IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021, Bisexual!Aaron, Bisexual!Kevin, Fluff, Getting Together, Healing, Hope, I don't know how to tag this, Kevin Day is Irish and we love it, Kissing, M/M, Overcoming Trauma, Post-Canon, Right?, That's canon though, a tiny tiny tiny bit of masturbation, it's not explicit though!, mentions of drug use in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos/pseuds/IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos
Summary: 365. That's how many days Aaron has been without Katelyn by his side. After a long shift at the hospital, he wants to drown his heartache in Irish Coffee at his favorite pub. That is until one Kevin Day stumbles across the pub and things take an unexpected turn.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, former Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, former Kevin Day/Thea Muldani
Comments: 11
Kudos: 75
Collections: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021





	Heart's A Mess (I'm Desperate To Connect)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neilwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neilwrites/gifts).



> Wow! What a ride. For the first time in a good while, I finished a fic! And it has over 5k words. One of my biggest achievements in the past 12 months. 
> 
> I'm sorry for posting a day too late, but I still hope you enjoy this thing so much! I got the assignment and didn't even need to listen to the song because I knew it so well and it's SO. GOOD. I love Gotye and his scream in the refrain goes deep deep deep. Amazing choice!
> 
> Special thanks go out to the organizers for this amazing event and to my beta Hedy. You saved me. Also Nina, you gem, you motivated me when I thought I wouldn't make it. You both are so precious.
> 
> Thanks for reading this, for leaving kudos and comments, and as always, if you wanna talk to me, you can find me on tumblr (iknowwhoyouaredamianos) or twitter (@_morios).

If Aaron had to hear another Christmas carol ever again, he was sure he’d commit a homicide for the second time in his life. He’d just finished a forty-eight-hour shift at the hospital. His eyes were red-rimmed and burned, every bat of his eyelashes feeling like sandpaper scraping across his cornea. To say he was tired was an understatement. Corpselike sounded more adequate. 

On top of his hell of a shift, today was his— well. What was it called when the love of your life decided she’d be better off without you? Breakupversary? Aaron was sure it was something like that, although the word bore the character of celebration a tad too much to his liking.

A whole year. 365 days without Katelyn. 365 days in his brother’s guest room, which had turned into  _ his _ room way too quickly. 

No matter how much his body begged for him to go home and sleep a whole day, his mind was already dragging him into the pub a block away from Andrew’s and Neil’s apartment. 

Once he stumbled through the door, he was soaked to the bones. Aaron wasn’t a big fan of too warm weather, his skin too fair to stand its ground against the scalding summer sun, but he would rather burn in Saharian heat than live through one more of Philly’s downpours.

He shed his coat and sat down by the bar, hopping onto the ridiculously high stool. Well, for a five-foot-man at least. 

Max already knew him. Aaron was a regular at the pub. Usually, he only came in for a beer after his shift, not really wanting to drive home, which was Andrew’s and Neil’s home, although they reassured him a million times that he was welcome. Still, he knew he was imposing, saw it in the way they moved around the house, keeping all displays of affection at a low. 

Aaron had moved in a few months after his brother and his (not so) obnoxious  _ fucking husband  _ finally found a team to sign them both. He himself wouldn’t have been amused to share some newly found togetherness with a fucked up twin, so Aaron could imagine how Neil and Andrew felt. Not to mention that on top, Andrew’s exorbitant salary paid for Aaron’s med school.

The pub was a shabby but nice place, Irish. Irish folk songs rumbled through the speakers, and the TV in the left corner usually flashed Exy games or any other sports game. The Irish coffee was strong, and Andrew liked the Fat Frog, so they sometimes came here to bond over stupid conversations. 

Tonight was an Irish coffee night for Aaron, all warnings about unhealthy coping mechanisms aside. Not even the images of a teenager being locked in a bathroom with canned food and piss-soaked jeans could hold him back tonight. He was burnt out, hollow, lonely. Nothing was keeping him from ordering his drink with a double shot of Baileys, nothing at all, unless— unless that guy walking through the door was Kevin fucking Day! 

Aaron couldn’t avert his eyes as Kevin shrugged off his  _ not-soaked _ -coat and studied the menu with a pair of black-rimmed glasses perched on his slightly crooked nose — the result of a stray exyball breaking it his last year at Palmetto. Of all the places, Kevin Day had to choose the Leprechaun for a resurrection of his alc addiction. Well, maybe that wasn’t even the case and as a clean druggie Aaron shouldn’t have such prejudices first and foremost, but it was hard to imagine Kevin leaving a pub sober.

Aaron tripled his shot. If he wanted to survive this night, a single drink wouldn’t do it anyway. To be optimistic, the die wasn’t cast, yet. Kevin could just walk by and not even notice Aaron, he could seat himself in the corner and watch the stupid Exy game, or he could— or he could walk straight towards Aaron with a frown contorting his face and shimmy onto the stool next to him and smile his constipated Kevin Day smile before asking something stupid like, “Aaron?”.

Aaron dragged his eyes across Kevin’s face, recognizing the dark circles around his piercing green eyes. He’d grown a stubble, maybe going unshaved for the fourth or fifth day. Aaron had to admit it suited his stern face despite making him look at least five years older. 

Although Aaron insisted he was the straight twin, the one in the family without the gay in his DNA, looking at Kevin had started to turn things over gradually during college. Maybe visiting a gay club almost every weekend for years did its bit, too, but Aaron was sure he wouldn’t find any scientific evidence for that thesis. But just because Aaron could admit that Kevin was best described as a “hot nerd” didn’t mean he needed to shout it out into the world.

“Day,” Aaron finally huffed, turning a tad in his stool. “Long time no see.”

Kevin only nodded once before he released the little cocky bastard that used to live inside him to give Max instructions on how he liked his Guinness. 

Aaron asked himself why they had never visited an Irish Pub during college because suddenly, there wasn’t a single place in the world where Kevin fit in any better. The most irritating part though was that Aaron was charmed by patronizing, cocky, Irish Kevin Day.

“Are you okay?”

Kevin’s words startled him out of his reverie, his strong, warm voice embracing him like molasses. Aaron was about to pull a Josten and quit this conversation with “I’m fine” but the tiredness must have gotten the best of him so he settled for, “Not really. You?”

Kevin snorted, giving Max a quick nod when he slid the drink over, and raised his glass for Aaron to chink. “Welcome to the club,” he said, almost chugged his Guinness, and then, all of a sudden, Aaron and Kevin started to exchange their sob stories. It probably were more words than they had exchanged in four years of college combined.

“Yeah, and then that was that. It was for the best, I guess,” Kevin finished, staring at the bottom of his empty glass.

“You’re a mess,” Aaron said and chuckled, looking up into Kevin’s eyes.

“You’re one to talk.” Kevin laughed and bumped Aaron’s shoulder with his own. And then, he  _ smirked _ . The audacity.

“Well, I guess you settled a bet tonight,” Aaron laughed, already thinking about money changing hands. 

“You bet Thea and I would break up?” Kevin asked, his frown back in place. Kevin tended to pull his lips into a thin line when he was irritated, which was a pity because his relaxed lips were plump and never chapped and absolutely— Stop! This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“Oh no, that was a matter of course. The bet said that Exy would always be more to you than any human being, and here you are, earning most of us a lot of money.”

Something in Kevin seemed to change at Aaron’s words. His eyes drooped, all cheer of the evening bleeding out of his frame. 

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered, turning the glass in his hand. “You want another drink? Next one’s on me.”

Aaron realized that the moment was gone. He could watch how Kevin rebuilt the wall of reticence around himself brick by brick. This Kevin was so much closer to college-Kevin that Aaron only recognized now how open he had been tonight.

It would have been easy to say yes. It would have been easy to give in to the urge of getting smashed and forgetting everything for a few hours, but Aaron had fought too hard for what he had achieved. So had Kevin.

“No, thanks,” Aaron answered, pushing himself off the chair. “My mattress is calling.”

Kevin nodded, forcing his mouth into a small smile. “Right. Thanks. For listening. Maybe we could—“

“Yes.”

“Okay. Cool.”

“Cool.” Aaron put his last energy into a genuine smile, wriggling into his coat. “I think you should go, too.”

Aaron knew this expression. He’d seen it on his twin way too often to ever forget it. Emptiness gazed back at him.

“No one there to care,” Kevin muttered, eyes trained back onto the bar.

“Maybe not at your apartment. But certainly in Chicago.”

Aaron watched how Kevin was struck with realization before he turned around and grabbed the door handle. “Good night, Kevin. See you.”

He stepped into the night. The rain was replaced with snowflakes. He let them melt on his hot skin as he walked down the street. When he turned around, he saw Kevin leaving the pub, wrapping his coat tight around his frame before he headed off in the opposite direction.

The walk home wasn’t long. The house was dark except for the dim light streaming from Andrew’s and Neil’s bedroom window. 

Aaron forwent the shower for the comfort of his duvet, for the first time in a year feeling not so lonely anymore. It was when he drifted asleep that the thought struck him: with Kevin’s company, one Irish Coffee had been enough.

~~~

“Something happened,” Andrew proclaimed, his hip casually propped against the kitchen counter. 

Aaron groaned, resuming his zombie walk towards the percolator to pour himself a cup. 

“Did you drink?” Andrew’s tone took a direction that raised Aaron’s hackles. 

“The fuck, Andrew! I’m fucking tired because I had a fucking long shift and I’m a fucking grown man, so even if I drank, it’s still my fucking business!”

“A, there’s a lot of fucking coming from someone who hasn’t been fucked in over a year. B, five feet isn’t exactly the common definition of ‘a grown man’.”

“You’re one to talk, Josten,” Aaron mumbled, putting all effort into not kicking his brother-in-law’s shin which he was rubbing with his bare foot. “How would you know anyway?”

“What? That you didn’t get laid? Eyes,” Neil said, raising his mug to take a sip. 

“Eyes?”

Neil cocked his head and started chewing on his lower lip until Andrew’s thumb pulled it out again. “The ‘I got laid’ eyes. There’s so much you two have in common.” Neil threw his head back in a laugh. Aaron exchanged a sour look with his doppelganger.

“You’re even weirder than I thought you could be.”

Neil’s response came in the form of a huge grin. “Just telling the truth,” he said, shrugged and  _ winked _ . 

Aaron didn’t know how Andrew could put up with that menace. Well, maybe he had gotten a grasp of understanding when he’d watched them stuff each other’s face with cake on their wedding day. Or just now, when Andrew’s lip curled into a minuscule grin only Neil could elicit from him.

Andrew’s bed hair was telling. They rarely were comfortable enough to let their guard down so openly around others, even around Aaron, that Aaron couldn’t help but be happy for his brother. And for Neil. They both deserved it, deserved all the good things in the world after the world had thrown their worst at them.

Aaron granted them some privacy, busying himself with procuring eggs and bacon from the fridge while Andrew and Neil eye-fucked by the counter, mumbling in Russian until Neil announced he’d take a shower and pressed a chaste kiss to Andrew’s lips. 

Silence stretched between the brothers until Andrew cut through it. “Spill.”

Aaron sighed. “I ran into Kevin.” Hiding it was futile. Andrew would find it out anyway. And there was nothing to hide in the first place.

Andrew’s only reaction was a raised eyebrow and a languid sip of his diabetes-inducing coffee concoction. 

“What?”

“My brother dear, you’re just as dense as Neil at times,” Andrew replied, grabbing the newspaper from the window sill. 

“That’s all?” Aaron asked, the pitch in his voice a tad too high to sound casual.

Just when he thought Andrew considered this conversation over, he clicked his tongue and leveled Aaron with a blank gaze. “He’s not the worst.”

“What for? Hell, Andrew, could you for once stop mimicking the Sphynx and just talk like a normal person?”

“Nothing about any of us is normal.”

“Jesus,” Aaron muttered and loaded three plates with eggs and bacon. 

He scoffed his breakfast, almost choking twice on a too big chunk of bacon before he got up and walked over to the dishwasher. Maybe he hadn’t liked Neil in the beginning because Neil could read Andrew like no one else. Not even Aaron, as Andrew’s twin, had known how to break through his reserve, and then the mafia kid with a million issues had it all figured out within a couple of months. 

“Jaffa cakes,” Andrew said when Aaron crossed the threshold to the living room. “It’s the only sweet Kevin actually enjoys. Something about oranges neutralizing the chocolaty richness.”

“And why exactly do I want to know that?” Aaron drawled, looking at Andrew over his shoulder.

“We know what we are now, but not what we may become,” Andrew said and grinned, not even looking up from his newspaper. 

Aaron turned around and propped himself against the pillar, ready to talk back when realization struck him. God, he was too tired for this. “I hate you.”

“You don’t.”

“Do too.”

“Aww, are you two making up for your lost brotherhood?” Neil cooed from behind, using his obnoxious skill of sneaking up on people eerily noiselessly.

“Shut it,” Aaron and Andrew called in unison, leveling each other with a glare, while Neil only laughed louder.

“Uh-huh,” Neil hummed, and wiggled his fingers. “Jinxxx, or something like that.”

“You’re a mess,” Andrew muttered, and covered Neil’s mouth with his hand, the newspaper dwindling to the kitchen floor. “What would you think about inviting Kevin for dinner on Saturday?” 

“Don’t you da—“ Aaron started, but was interrupted by Andrew’s flat “It shall be done,” before he shooed Aaron out of the kitchen to do… well whatever he did with Neil when they were alone.

+++

Aaron had the weekend off. He’d worked ten days in a row, and as much as he loved his job, he wasn’t sure if he could have made another shift without killing someone.

Becoming a surgeon was hard. The shifts were long and unpredictable, the competition fierce, and the cases often nerve-wracking. As a neurosurgeon-to-be, he saw, apart from all kinds of tumors, all kinds of accidents, stitching up young people who thought going a hundred miles a minute on a motorcycle was a good way to spend the night. Such accidents always brought back memories of a bruised Andrew and a mother who would never come home again.

He’d definitely seen enough over the past ten days.

It would be an exaggeration to say he was looking forward to dinner with his family and Kevin, but it would be a lie to say he was not excited at all. 

The only thing that bothered him a bit was that having Kevin around was… weird. He didn’t even know why Andrew cared at all — about inviting Kevin  _ and _ about meddling. There was nothing to meddle in the first place, right? But then why was he so nervous? 

Their one encounter at the pub wasn’t exactly something promising, something all too momentous. It was just a stupid encounter and a nice chat by two guys whose hearts had been broken by their significant others. 

Sure, Kevin was good looking and he had his moments. Moments where the cocky asshole retreated and made room for a softer version of Kevin, a Kevin that crouched down to pet strangers’ dogs at random or read books with his tongue sticking out of his mouth’s corner in concentration. Sometimes Kevin had made breakfast in the dorms, not even complaining about Andrew eating his pancakes with tons of chocolate syrup.

And then there was that  _ one _ moment. The moment Kevin had found Aaron crying on the floor, because all had been too much and all he could have thought about was the trial and how he probably had fucked up his career and all his life, but so full of certainty that he would do it again and again if it meant saving his brother.

Aaron had thought that he’d end up all by himself in a jail cell, but then Kevin had slid down the wall next to him, stretched his arm out, and held him there in the middle of the hallway. Nothing more, nothing less. A steadying presence. They had sat together for over an hour, Kevin holding Aaron together when no one else had been around to do it, his voice like a soothing balm one spread on a graze. Aaron had been full of shame afterward, but as time flew by, no one around him ever mentioned the incident, so Kevin most likely hadn’t lost a single word. Grandeur.

But then, between video game sessions and Exy, Exy, Exy, Kevin hadn’t been more to Aaron than a roommate. And then Kevin went pro, and they never spoke to each other anymore, only catching glimpses of the other’s life via their Foxes WhatsApp group chat, or at Andrew’s and Neil’s wedding a year and a half ago.

So having Kevin back in his life now would be strange, to say the least, especially because Aaron hadn’t stopped thinking about Kevin since their encounter at the pub.

Loaded with several grocery bags, Aaron shuffled through the front door of their house -  _ their _ , ha - and wrangled his way into the kitchen, cautiously dancing around the cats. The house was empty. Andrew and Neil had muttered something about going to the mall at breakfast, so that’s where they probably were.

After throwing a treat over to the two mewling little bastards he absolutely despised, Aaron started putting the stuff into the fridge and pantry. He’d even bought Jaffa cakes. Pathetic. 

On the countertop lay several sheets with instructions for tonight’s dinner. Somehow after college, Andrew had developed a passion for cooking extraordinary food, so now on every occasion, he went all out. Aaron didn’t know why they needed a four-course menu, but obviously, Andrew insisted.

Andrew had even left Aaron a note, giving directives on how to cut vegetables and wash the salad and squeeze lemons and whatever else he needed for his concoctions. 

He probably should have set to work right away, but the house was empty and his week had been horrible, so he decided for another nap before a long evening with Exy talk. 

When his alarm rang, he still couldn’t hear his brother or Josten (it was Minyard-Josten now but whatever) bustle around the house, so he took a few minutes more rolling around in the soft covers, before settling back on his back.

After the breakup, Aaron had called Bee a few times, now more like a mother figure to them after they had moved and ended their official therapy. 

He had struggled, had been afraid to relapse, to seek solace in drugs. Bee had told him that not all relationships were meant to be forever. That it hadn’t been Aaron who fucked it up. 

Three months ago, a woman had hit on him. He’d given her a chance, but it hadn’t felt right, so he’d ended their make-out-session before it could have turned into more.

Now, he was craving touch. He was craving intimacy, even more so after watching his brother being all lovey-dovey on the sofa yesterday evening, when he and Josten had fallen asleep watching some baking show. 

He wanted to be held again, wanted to have someone to talk to after a rough shift, wanted to feel desired, and experience a bit more than just semi-hot nights with his right hand.

And then, out of the blue, Kevin fucking Day appeared in his mind’s eye. Kevin was tall, sure. Kevin spoke with a soothing cadence when he wasn’t bitching about other Exy people who weren’t married to their stupid sticks. Kevin’s eyes were meadow green, vivid and warm. Kevin’s hands were strong, yet filigree. And Kevin’s ass was  _ nice _ . Aaron had seen it almost daily at the dorms back then, and yes, it must have been Kevin Day’s ass that had activated Aaron’s gay side. 

It wasn’t like Aaron didn’t have needs. And even though Andrew had taught him all about consent, thinking about Kevin was nice and Kevin’s abs were nice and his dick wasn’t too bad either, so Aaron allowed his mind to wander, his hand slipping into his briefs to get some relief. Taking the edge off. Nothing more, nothing less.

When the afterglow had waned, he shook his head and took a shower. He dressed in comfortable but nice, dark blue slacks and the soft and way too expensive coral cashmere sweater Neil and Andrew had gotten him for his birthday.

He was probably overdressed, but it wasn’t often these days that he got to feel handsome so why not take the opportunity.

Kevin was supposed to arrive at seven, which left Aaron one and a half hours. He set up everything he needed for his auxiliary activities while his brother would bustle about like the fucking rat from Ratatouille once he was finally home. Where was this ass anyway? 

Just as Aaron pulled out his phone, Andrew’s pic flashed on the screen. Yeah, they did that now. Having pictures of the other in their respective contact info. 

“Where the fuck are you?” Aaron grumbled, securing the phone between cheek and shoulder to resume chopping beetroots for the appetizer. 

“Aaron, language,” Andrew said, lacking the bite. Josten made him soft. “Tonight’s this Exy gala. We thought we could skip but our dear coach reminded us that if we skipped tonight, we could lose sponsorship and we all know that meant Neil would get a visit from you-know-who and a bullet between his eyes, so we’re going.”

Aaron was sure that a grin had crept into Andrew’s voice. That fucker must have known all along. He never forgot  _ anything _ .

“You’re a bitch,” Aaron snarled, chopping more aggressively than needed.

“Kevin is… well his cooking skills narrow down to Irish stew, vegetables, and salads. I’m sure you two will make it work,” Andrew deadpanned, Neil’s laugh ringing in the background.

“I hate you,” Aaron snapped, “because you let me sit here alone with Kevin and we don’t even have fucking dinner, and WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM ALONE?”

“You spent college with him. You’ll find something… interesting. But not on the couch, that’s our spot,” Andrew added, and before Aaron could protest or utter his disgust, the line clicked.

Great. He could do this, right? He was a med student, he was a surgeon-to-be, he sewed up people all the time, so he could manage dinner with Kevin. A set-up dinner. A set-up date.

He was fucked.

Following the recipes, Aaron sweated through preparing something somewhat edible. When the bell rang, he had set the table, tablecloth and all, and a bottle of nice red wine opened. Andrew be damned. He’d caused this, he’d pay for this.

Aaron did a quick armpit check, approved, and opened the door. 

Of course, Kevin was Kevin, and Kevin knew how to dress. One positive thing that came out of his Raven history. He wore a soft, snug, light-rose button-down matched with a light-blue suit, the look finished off by a floral pocket square loosely tucked into his breast pocket. 

Aaron wondered what Andrew had told him was going to happen tonight. It was ridiculous.

Aaron must have stared for a bit too long, Kevin’s forehead wrinkling. 

“Hey,” Kevin said flatly, pushing a bottle of champagne into Aaron’s arms. “Nice shirt,” he tacked on, eyes sneaking around Aaron. 

“Hey.” Aaron harrumphed, straightening his back. He had to get his shit together. Just because he had jacked off to the idiot a couple of hours before, nothing had to come of it. “Thanks.” Wow, this would be awkward as fuck.

“Are we eating out here or can I come in?” Kevin asked, frown increasing every second.

“Oh, sure.” Aaron felt his face heat up, quickly stepping aside. “So, has Andrew told you?”

“Told me what?” Distinctively Kevin-ish, he owned the room within a second, walking through the house as if he lived there. “Andrew has taste,” he commented, letting his fingers wander over the sofa. 

“Josten’s choice,” Aaron deflected, walking back into the kitchen before the gratin could burn. “So he didn’t, obviously,” Aaron spoke up, watching Kevin from the kitchen island that faced the spacious living area.

“Huh?”

“Tell you, Kevin,” Aaron repeated, rolling his eyes. Aaron had the feeling falling for dense idiots was genetic.

Kevin slowly turned around and walked over to the kitchen island. If the frown stayed any longer, he would get a stroke.

“They have to be at some Exy gala. Something about getting into contract trouble if they didn’t.”

“Exy gala?” Kevin asked, eyes darkening.

Of course, Kevin would be stunned. Exy was his wife and obviously, she was unfaithful. 

“For sure not,” Kevin cut in, pacing. “I would have known. We’re playing on the same team. If these bastards didn’t tell me, I swear—”

“Kevin. Shut it! They’re just being assholes. I think they’re fucking with us.”

“Why would they lie to us?”

“Hell, you’re dense, Day.” 

Aaron stirred the gravy, and pushed a tray with goat cheese into the oven, setting a timer. “Just the two of us, then.” Aaron grinned, holding the champagne up. “We won’t let a bottle of well-cooled champagne go to waste, will we?”

“They set us up,” Kevin finally clocked. 

“Yep,” Aaron agreed, letting the  _ p  _ pop like the champagne bottle. 

“Assholes!”

“What’s new?”

Aaron filled two glasses with the sparkling liquid, raising his in a toast. “To an awkward evening.”

Kevin shrugged out of his suit jacket and threw it over the sofa’s armrest, picked up his glass, and met Aaron’s halfway with a clink. 

“It wouldn’t have been less awkward with Neil and Andrew around, so…”

“Hate to admit it but you’re right.” Aaron gave a nod of agreement and took a sip of the bubbling champagne. That stuff was damn good.

“So, I hope you can cook because I have no idea how to handle beef filet or even dessert,” Aaron started, leaving no room for awkward silence.

“I’m good with meat,” Kevin said and shrugged, stepping behind the kitchen island to join Aaron at the stove, “but I don’t eat dessert. Except for fruit salad. We could do that.”

Aaron huffed a laugh and grabbed a bowl, mixing egg whites and powdered sugar. “We’ll make a pavlova. Fruit for you, something sweet for me.”

Kevin nodded and set to work, preparing the meat while Aaron peeled and cut vegetables and whipped the meringue.

Working with Kevin was surprisingly fuss-free. They worked around each other, not getting into each other's way, the soft jazz music providing some background sound. It was nice.

When the main course and dessert were prepared, Aaron served the entree: beetroot carpaccio with goat cheese and pine seeds. It tasted way better than he had imagined. 

“Do you cook often?” Kevin asked, dabbing his mouth with his napkin. 

“No, not really. I mostly eat at the hospital or Andrew leaves me some leftovers in the fridge,” Aaron said and shrugged, taking a gulp of wine he’d served with the entree. “Katelyn cooked a lot. She showed me some tricks, taught me the basics.”

Thinking about Katelyn still hurt sometimes, but tonight it felt like talking about someone who had walked a part of the way with you until they decided it was better to part ways. It was okay. 

“Thea couldn’t cook,” Kevin said and snorted, licking a drop of beetroot juice from his now red-tinged lower lip. “I bet she tried to kill me all this time.” Aaron studied Kevin’s eyes, now gazing into space, a small smile on his lips. “I think we wouldn’t have worked even if we had tried harder.” Kevin's eyes wandered back to Aaron’s, his smile growing a little wider. “We are Ravens. Once a Raven, always a Raven. She never left. She never had something like the Foxes. Career was everything to her. Don’t get me wrong, Exy is everything to me, too, but Thea? She was so obsessed that she sometimes forgot that someone was around to build a life with her outside of Exy.”

Aaron gaped. For one thing, Kevin wasn’t someone who talked about his problems, he drowned them in vodka. For another thing, who would have thought there was someone out there who was more obsessed with Exy than the Queen of Exy herself? 

“You are up for building a life  _ outside _ of Exy?”

“Hard to imagine, isn’t it.” Kevin took a sip of wine and got up, carrying the plates over to the dishwasher. Once they were tucked away, he turned around and propped his hip against the kitchen counter. “I thought she was the one. I thought we were special, the only thing that survived the Ravens, that Tetsuji’s kingdom couldn’t destroy. Foolish.”

“What would it look like?” Aaron cocked his head in emphasis, downing the rest of the ruby-red liquid from his glass. 

Kevin’s frown was back in place, back and shoulders tensing up. “What? Life outside of Exy?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know, to be honest. I thought I would never have the opportunity to think about it, but then Andrew and Neil got married and bought this place and Andrew is hanging out with the kids from the youth center and I think I want that at some point. Maybe a dog, a nice house with more than Exy sticks to come home to. Maybe even a kid or two.”

“Uh-huh. Same for me,” Aaron murmured, eyes focusing on the empty glass in his hand. 

“The Exy part?” Kevin asked and snorted.

“Asshole,” Aaron huffed back, getting up to turn off the alarm on the oven. “No, more the house-dog-kids-partner plan. I never thought I was allowed to have something like that. A picture-perfect family. Even less so when Katelyn and I broke up. But you’re right. Again.” Aaron rolled his eyes but there was no bite behind it. “If Andrew and Neil can have something like that, then why shouldn’t we?”

_ We _ . Did that sound weird? Too close? Too much like we in Kevin-and-Aaron-we? All about Kevin knocked Aaron out of his stride. 

“Cheers to that,” Kevin cut through Aaron’s thoughts, raising his empty glass.

And that was it. Kevin started roasting the meat while Aaron put the finishing touches on the salad and the gratin. 

From there on, their souls already bared, the conversation was much easier and more unconstrained than before. Kevin talked about his team and Aaron about his medical education, and of course, Exy came up but Kevin quickly steered them away before it got out of hand. 

Their plates were long finished, the alcohol and lit fireplace making Aaron warm and fuzzy. Everything about that evening made him feel seen and comforted. He hadn’t been this emotionally close to someone since Katelyn. 

Kevin suggested they could eat their pavlova — and the Jaffa cakes Aaron had conjured up — in front of the TV, playing some video games for old times sake, and Aaron agreed easily, he and Kevin cozying up as time flew by, until their legs were pressed together and Aaron’s skin was buzzing.

Something in the air had shifted. Kevin’s body was warm and solid, reliable, and his lips looked incredibly inviting. Aaron wasn’t Andrew. He was no daredevil. But his body craved contact, had been touch-starved for so long, so when Kevin put the controller onto the side table and faced Aaron, his cheeks flushed, Aaron didn’t want to hold back. It didn’t matter where it would lead. Maybe Kevin would reject him, or maybe they would stumble into Aaron’s room and have some goddamn long-needed sex and that was it. So he held Kevin’s gaze for a second, and then he jumped in, headfirst, drowning his worries in Kevin’s smooth lips until he opened up and let him deepen what they had started.

It was merely minutes; it felt like years.

Somewhere in between, Kevin let himself fall back into the cushions, pulling Aaron on top of him, not once pulling away.

When they had to come up for air a while later, Aaron leaned his face into Kevin’s shoulder, breathing heavily. Kevin’s hand cupped his cheek, slowly turning his head upwards. 

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for this.”

“Neither am I. Maybe we don’t have to be. Maybe it’s okay to just ride the wave and see where it takes us?” Aaron said, a smile forming on his lips.

“I think that sounds like a plan”

“That brain of yours thinks a lot, Kevin Day,” Aaron said and leaned back in once more. 

He didn’t know if it was a good idea, but he was desperate to connect and finally feel something like love again, and he knew that Kevin needed it, too. Nothing had to come of it. It wasn’t like they needed to tie the knot tomorrow right after breakfast.

From afar, Aaron could hear the Maserati’s doors being shut. It wouldn’t be long until Andrew and Neil would come in. It wouldn’t be long until they would step into the living room to the sight of two men kissing, two men shaped by cruelty and loneliness and being hurt one too many times, slowly making up for all the pain they had gone through in the past, at the beginning of cleaning up the hell of a mess the world had left which was their hearts.


End file.
